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| Here at the end of all things... |
[28 Dec 2005|05:11pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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Oh man a lot of shit has been going down, lots of drama and stuff. I have actually followed through already on some new years resolutions. I just told Ziad i am not hooking up with him anymore. Yeah.. i actually did it...he forced me to tell him on the phone but i wanted to to tell him in person. He basically laughed at me and hung up on me. Fucking douchebag.....i spent an hour crying hysterically, there were soo many things i wanted to say but i couldnt because he hung up on me. I know he treated me like shit all the time and constantly made me feel like shit, and I finally came to my senses and had to let him go. This is the hardest thing i had to do in a while. I was more upset at the way it ended. I expected it to go alot smoother and for him to handle it alot more mature, but of course not. I am glad i did it i do not regret it at all, but now its going to be awkward because i am friends with his friends. I am definitely not going to Evan's house for New Year's, i decided to go to Rhode Island with Debra. I need to go away and clear my head.
For the New Year i want to be a better person, i need to stop letting people stomp on me. I need to become stronger emotionally and put my foot down when being mistreated. I know these things and they must be changed otherwise i will live a miserable existence...i know these things...
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| I hate the human race right now... |
[15 Oct 2005|09:38pm] |
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mood |
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sad |
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Yeah i wish....
Errrrr i am in the worst mood ever, i got fucked over on going out tonight. There are also a lot of other reasons as to why i have been in a pissed off mood lately. Alot of things have been bothering me lately to the point where i wonder why i am friends with certain people anymore. All they do is treat me like shit anyway or use me, so why the fuck should i even bother? I am only good for when its convenient for them it seems. I am sick and tired of people's bullshit. I am also tired of being expected to listen to other people's problems all the time. I feel like no one ever listens to what I have to say. EVER. It is like it doesnt even matter what i say or seems childish. I get thrown to the side consantly like i dont exist. What would happen if i one day just disappeared. Would anyone notice? I really somehow fuckin doubt that. One day it will happen...just u see.....
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| This one's for Jess... |
[13 Oct 2005|03:03pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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I nearly fell off the chair when i read that hahaha
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| An update on things... I think i died and went to sexxy asian man heaven ^_^ |
[26 Sep 2005|10:58pm] |
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mood |
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morbid |
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You were murdered. More than likely for money. You
were very brave, but after what happened you
have become shy and worried. You never deserved
anything that happened to you and you should
live your life to the fullest now. Your life
story was very tragic.
How did you die in your past life? (for everyone)
brought to you by Quizilla
wow.. sad but very true and very fitting....
I posted a blog in myspace the other day updating on everythign so here is a cut and paste job update lol:
Heyy all. Sorry i havent posted in a while. Ok so here is an update on things.Last weekend i went to visit Debra in Rhode Island, and i also visited Hayley in Boston. I havent seen the girl in a VERY long time and it was well overdue. I am soo happy i went. It was an awesome time. We went to Quincy Market to the shops and ate in that big food court thingy. Then we watched a street perfomer. When Debra and i went back to Rhode Island we went to Mahmut's jam session and then went to a party. That was fun. That Sunday Debra and I went to Newport to meet up with Ikki. I am not going to lie, but i was a little disappointed because Ikki was only able to hang out with us for a very short amount of time. Yeah arg...after that Debra and i went to Petco and bought fishies! They are sooooo cute! The fish named after me we think is pregnant hahahahaha.
All this week i have had soo much school work to do which has caused a large amounts of stress. I have 3 papers already! (One i am slacking on working on at this moment lol). I finally was able to take a break from it last night. It was needed trust me. Mitch, Susan and I went out to dinner first at TGI Friday's. I had an ultimate Margarita there which was huge. I drank all of it too, (ok ok with a little help from Susan and Mitch). Then we randomly went clubbing in the city. We were supposed to met up with people at Deep, but Mitch couldnt get in, so so ended up going to Avalon. We waited on line for a while and finally when we got in.We got discounted tickets which was good. Immediately when i got in i was bombarded by HOT asian guys. I was surrounded. I am not even kidding. I was immediately pulled to dance by some Asian guy who was kinda slimy. He tried to put his hand where it shouldn't and i pushed him away. Then a Russian guy who was sorta cute, came up to me and tried to pull me away from the slimy guy which i was glad about. He saved me. He was really nice. That happened in the hip hop room and i was starting to get annoyed dancing in the hip hop room because there was absolutley no room. (DJ AM was spinning in there soo it was EXTREMELY crowded). We went back to the techno room where we started off (which is better for me because thats where the majority of hot Asian guys were anyway lol). I found the hottest Asian guy and danced with him for what seemed like an eternity. He looked like how Ikki is going to look in 10 years. He was a less metrosexual looking version too, but adorable. We finally left at around 3 AM because we were all broke and tired.
Ok well i gotta go type my paper, Byeee
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| fuck yeah |
[18 Sep 2005|03:04am] |
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mood |
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 drunk/high |
] |
I am soo stupidly drunk/high right now...I can barely even write this message. ugh.... yeah i am typing this from rhode island in debra's dorm room....i havent seen Ikki yet, apparently tomorrow i will,and if not i will be uber upset :(
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| good things come to those who wait.... |
[31 Aug 2005|09:07pm] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
] |
Ah yume kara sameta
Kore kara mo
Anata wo ai shiteru
Ah yume kara sameta ima ijou
Anata wo aishiteru
Translation:Ah, I awake from a dream
From now on I'll love you
Ah I awake from a dream
Now more than ever I'll love you
~Glay, from the song "Beloved"
Ikki is back! He's in the U.S.!! Woooot! He is in Rhode Island at Johnson & Wales for grad school... :::does happy happy dance::: Yeah i can tell i am going to spend massive amounts of time in Rhode Island now hahahahahahaha
In other happy happy news(for a rather dramatic change haha), I am seeing Green Day tomorrow at Giants stadium with Mitch and Fester and apparently Ziad too. hahahaha this should be fun.....Against Me! and Jimmy Eat World are playing with them too so it is going to be awesome.
I guess things are starting to look up again a little...
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| Ziad's birthday |
[28 Aug 2005|08:16pm] |
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mood |
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 nauseated |
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Last nite was Ziad's birthday celebration.... all week i was trying to convince myself that i shouldn't go...i even got myself grounded so that i could get a little break from everyone. Yeah that backfired...in the beginning of the nite i was already in a pissed off mood, and thought it was going to go all down hill, especially since all of the people that were at Seaside were going to be there. I ended up having lots of fun. When we got to the train station everyone was already drinking and very very drunk, especially Ziad. The train ride was very rowdy and i was sooo plastered halfway through the train ride. I drank a half pint of malibu, a water bottle filled with rum runner and little bit of some vodka straight. I felt soo bad for the conductor and everyone else that was on the train. I am surprised we didnt get kicked off. When we got to Hoboken we took the path into the city and then took a taxi to Spirit club on 27th Street between 10th and 11th. I got discounted which was good. I danced my ass off of course and some professional photographer took our picture.There was some drama but thank god this time it wasn't centered around me. I was surrounded by adorable and hot asian guys and i was loving every second of it. One even started hitting on me and bought me a drink. Once Ziad came back though, i said goodbye to the asian guys ::teardrop::. I did need to get that out of my system though and i am glad i did. We had to wait a really long time in order for the trains to start running again which was 6:32 AM.Yeah... i didnt get back until around 7:45 and i ended up sleeping at Mitch's house which wasnt planned but eh its alright. The funniest shit happened on the train ride.. all i can say is "burger king" and "burger king jr." hehehe Ziad and i were being soo mean hahaha. I also kind of flashed a whole bunch of people on the train. Not like any of them didnt see that already. After Seaside Hts, all of them have seen me naked or walked in on me doing the nasty hahaha.Yeah it was a WILD nite....I am glad i went.
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| i am tired of being mistreated |
[25 Aug 2005|06:11pm] |
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mood |
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upset |
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I am sick and tired of people thinking that i am someone they can walk over or stomp on. I am sick and tired of people thinking that they can treat me like shit. It's NOT okay and i am getting really tired of people's shit in general. I feel like i go out of my way for people and i get nothing in return.EVER. If i were to disappear would they even notice? Or if they noticed would it be for a superficial reason?Grr if i have seemed withdrawn a little, this is the reason why. I need a fuckin break before i kill someone.Leave me bee...
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| the life of a rennie....sigh...(taken from my myspace blog) |
[21 Aug 2005|06:27pm] |
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mood |
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 thoughtful |
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Friday i went salsa dancing again with Debra and then we hung out with our hot salsa instructor Sergei which really isnt allowed...It turns out he is 28! He's Ukrainian and really cute. Too old tho... its alright, we had fun drinking in Nyack and then went home semi early so we can go to Renaissance Faire again. Saturday was kinda crazy and was both good and bad. I started off the day kinda on a bad oot. We were running really late because i left my car at Debra's so Debra had to first pick me up i had to go to the bank to get lots of money and then get my car at Debra's. I then had to go to Pomona to pick up Kristina and then Stony Point to get J.J. There was lots of getting lost between Kristina's house and Ren Faire. Argg... on top of that i couldnt find Debra and Melanie once we got there and they had no cell phone service. We FINALLY found eachother at the leather shop,Miles Tonne at maybe 1 pm. I bought my sexxy leather top! Whee! It's lambskin i believe and it ties on the neck and then has one string that ties in the back. It was not cheap let's just say. I also tried on tiny shorts that are in Purple and black to match the sherriff's guards of course! And speaking of the Sheriff's guards, they walked in the leather shop when i was trying the shorts on. They were soo funny when i came out of the dressing room. I was wearing less clothing than Debra at this point. I didnt buy the shorts, but i will soon. Debra and i will probably work in the leather shop next year which will be fun, and we can get lots of leather goods! Yay! I also want to get the arm bands and leg warmers to match so i can be like a warrior princess! That would be sooo hot.... After i bought the top, i got my back painted with awesome butterfly wings in purples and pinks and blues. It was soo pretty... There will be pictures of all of this sometime in the not to distant future i hope..We saw all the usual things we see like the guard's show and the belly dancing show and the chess match, the joust/archery competition and the Pub sing (one of my personal favorites). At the end of the faire, Melanie, Debra and I were all escorted by a sheriff's guard hehe. I was escorted by Blunt, Captain of the guards. He actually picked me up and carried me and then Ferret copied and did the same with Debra. hahaha good times, good times...Melanie got escorted by the guard that she thought was cute so yay.. it was all good. Then later on Debra, Melanie and i went ot Vinnie's house, where a whole bunch of people were hanging out. We took some very wierd fucked up pictures that will probably make it up here soon too depending on how they come out. My fave was the pic of me and Melanie where she is bound to a chair and i am behind her with two knives, one down her chest and one to her throat. The other pics were of me and Debra looking like lesbians hahaha. Thats everything i do believe, so yeah....interesting, bizarre and fun times overall...
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